Luckily it takes around nine months to make a human being, so the Maiden can become used to the idea, and explore the journey to becoming the Mother. Hopefully she has lots of positive support and wise women around her, who have themselves made the transition courageously and hold no fear for her.
What of my career? You ask yourself; will I drown in washing and sleep deprivation and lack of mental stimulation? Probably (at some stage), is my answer; and along side that is the learning of the work - of Surrender. The journey into the abyss, the unknown, and where if life has supported you well up to now, until the revelation of this fact that you have another person growing inside of your womb, you may not have fully been aware that this journey was even possible to be on anyone's bucket list!
What do you mean, abyss, the unknown, darkness, the unknowing - ahem, that sounds a little weighty?
I had no idea what it meant when I discovered I was pregnant. Even though this child was very much wanted and was his fathers prompting, I still played out a program in my head of wondering if my partner would want me if I was indeed pregnant! My abandonment issues, until I was proved otherwise, here, I was deep in the abyss.
The not knowing prompts you to learn as much as you can about what this journey entails, and the challenge is, to find the right information for you to be able to make all the decisions on the way of the pregnancy and birthing options. This is the lead up to the responsibility of parenthood and all the decisions you will be called to make, and again, you are unaware really about how this might play out, as in most of life.
Stay with the unknown - trust, and find your way to connect to your inner wisdom and light - meditation, quiet walks in nature, cooking, reflection or journaling. Remembering that when you are in this unknowing, it is the perfect time to be guided by spirit. Don't let all the outside in so much, this takes you from the important work and practice of surrender.
The archetype of Neptune fits well here during this womb time of the goddess; the watery amniotic fluid, and the tumultuous tide of fear of it's depths. It is transcendent, subtle, an awakening. It's challenges are
Illusion, glamours, and false prophets. It's positives are consciousness, psychic ability (knowing), and reveals our true purpose.
This child brings you gifts (mother love - one you are yet to know until you gaze deeply into their eyes) and the learning of deep trust, take the step into the unknown and smile.
It might have felt alright at the time and the days and weeks after; your baby is healthy, you feel okay, but you find that your mind is wandering to an uncomfortable place, your body feels tight and you might be a little more tired. You start to wonder if a more normal or "natural" birth would have made a difference to you or your baby.
Everyone is saying to you that it will pass, "don't worry you have a healthy baby", "things will get easier" and while that is mostly true, you have been stopped in your conversational tracks and have been unable to talk through your feelings around your birthing experience. Try to talk to anyone who will listen and understand what you may be feeling.
Your birth may have been relatively smooth, but there are aspects that you need to examine. Traumatic or not, there may be things that are gnawing and don't quite make sense. This is your experience of a one event (or a few, depending on how many children you have) in your life that defines you - and often it is your initiation into motherhood with your first child. In this culture, birth is not very well celebrated or honoured, more the expectation with birth is, get it over with.
Birth for some women, is a enjoyable one, engineered so that we want to come back and do it again.
To heal a past "bad" birth is to prepare for the next, and to understand the birthing aspects of yourself, leading to a feeling of empowerment as preparation for the enormous task of parenting. Even if you decide your brood is complete, to heal this will improve the bond you have with your child, maybe even with your partner.
On the tree of life, we are currently in the sephira of Hod, which is about expansion, study, examination - use the energy of Gemini to examine the other side of the coin, delve deeper to the unknown or unspoken and shed light there, don't accept the surface knowledge and acceptable truth. Celebrate the joy of the divine feminine.
If you have recently given birth, or your child or children are older, you may have experienced traumatic birth/s, where you felt early on or even sometime or much later on, depression, anger, a sense of loss, recurrent nightmares, flashbacks, and pain in your body longer after.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has only recently been recognised in the last ten years as most likely experienced by women who have had a birth where it was not as expected; caesarean, forceps, drugs, episitotomy, procedures you never gave consent for, or even post-partum care where a comment from a care giver went straight to your core; you were not honored or respected as a woman giving birth. You may love your baby or child but sense there is more to it; that your relationship with them could be more.
Trauma can extend to the conception, pregnancy and post-natal experiences that may contribute to your feelings of loss, or perhaps disconnection. For example, you may be comfortable with your birthing experience, but trying to breastfeed was extremely difficult.
I have recently further developed my work to include traumatic birth recovery and healing utilising kinesiology, visualisation, imagery, affirmations, and bach flowers that may heal you and improve the bond with your child.
First we debrief your birthing experience, break it down in to manageable parts, and using a variety of methods we facilitate the healing by integrating the experience into the present, in a way that is individual to you.
I am very passionate about this, and so far am having great results. In our current birthing culture, I think that it is unacceptable for women to feel as if they need to "fall on the cross" to have a child, to sacrifice their bodies and minds and spiritual peace for the end result of having a healthy baby; I think we can do well, and become confident mothers when we are really well supported and in a non-judgemental environment.
Ways to heal:
1. Give yourself plenty of time and rest, nutritious food. Be kind to yourself; you did not create your negative birthing experience, nor have you failed. Bach Flower Rescue Remedy may give some relief.
2. Talk to those that will listen and be empathetic, this is real for you.
3. See www.birthrites.org - this is a great Australian website for support.
4. Be mindful of the media that you expose yourself to, this can bring up flashbacks.
5. Obtain your hospital records through Freedom of Information(FOI) so that you can debrief and understand exactly what happened. A midwife can talk with you about this.
6. Seek out relaxation/bodywork therapies that suit you. Understand that not everyone will know what you are feeling or are familiar with PTSD in relation to birth.
7. Get out and about, exercise will help with the feelings of anger and depression and the thoughts that get caught in a loop
8. Know that you will be healed and find joy in your baby, yourself and family.
In celebration of World Wide Doula Week, we enjoyed a free screening of this beautiful film.
Lovely night. Terrific to meet a Dad who was genuinely interested and open to exploring of choices for childbirth with his beautiful wife and mother to be. Congratulations to you both and blessings for your journey into parenthood.
To my interested friend, mother of three who learnt that a Doula was actually a person, and can now pass the word.
The service that the women elders would have provided in the tribe; to hold the space of birth, as opposed to the medical model based on a timeline of a hospital environment, and "let's get it over with" event - as Sarah Buckley says we live in an era of labour by-pass.
To face the challenge of pain with confidence and resilience, and know that it will guide you to birthing in the best way possible. Seek wisdom from within.
Trust in birth as a vital process for transformation and initiation from maiden to confident mother.
Hosting an informative evening during Doula Week 22 - 28 March of a free screening of the DVD -"Doula! The Ultimate Birth Companion."
Monday 26 March 2012
@Sambandha Wellbeing, 6 Chute Street, Diamond Creek
Get in touch for a booking to attend - limited places! 0408 569 682
Find out how a Doula can benefit you during your time of transition into motherhood.
This film charts three Doula's at work in the United Kingdom and tells the stories of the births, documentating the parents experience and shows actual birth footage, gentle birth footage.
I am hoping to have some local birth workers in the area attend to answer questions at the end of the screening. You can then know who is in the area and what they do.
www.oneworldbirth.net the producers of the excellent DVD "Doula! - The Ultimate Birth Companion" is supporting World Doula Week 22-28 March 2011 where I will be hosting an information night and free screening of this DVD to raise awareness of the great work being done and how a Doula can benefit you as you make your transition to motherhood, or embark upon your next birthing journey.
Get in touch via firstname.lastname@example.org and I will keep you updated on the day and time - venue Diamond Creek - Sambandha Wellbeing.
Limiting my intake, sometimes eliminating it for long periods of time, (until I forget or fall off the wagon, so to speak! ) living without wheat /gluten has made a huge impact on my energy levels, created a positive state of mind, vitality, clear-headedness, and the annoying extra weight or fluid has miraculously disappeared.
I am five kilos from my weight in my roaring twenties. Now in my fabulous forties, I really feel that this dietary change has made a difference.
My blood type is O and according to Dr. Abravenel's advice "Eat Right for Your Type" my system requires protein, so uping my intake of eggs as a breakfast has meant that my cravings for sugar have literally gone.
My menstrual cycle meant that I often felt out of control, has drastically changed, I can cope with this modern life! Four years ago, I went to a local doctor during a time of trying to find another as mine had gone off to merry retirement, I was offered Zoloft (anti-depressant) in the first five minutes into the consultation where I described my age, and my symptoms. I refused and found another doctor, who is also a member of AIMA (Australian Integrated Medicine Association - www.aima.net.au). Check it out. On my last visit, after blood tests he prescribed vitamins and minerals, this has helped enormously. I am in control of my health.
Afternoon tea is nuts, fruit without feeling hungry. When you consume wheat and your system is having trouble processing or has an intolerance, you feel perpetually hungry, a pit in your stomach that you can't fill, headaches were a common and daily symptom, often upon waking) and still are if I eat wheat.
Keeping up my water intake is also important.
Those of whom who are trying to get pregnant, I strongly suggest trying a wheat and gluten free diet, as there are strong links to celiac disease and conception.
My rewards are still a strong flat white, organic produce and good chocolate and feeling a whole lot better - a good life.
Kinesiologist, Birth Attendant who believes that living in harmony with the earth lies in conscious thinking, and living that philosophy daily makes for a sacred life. Paying attention to your inner world is essential to nurturing oneself and is just as valid as exploring and striving to understand the outer world.